Anal Smoothie
by Shae loves crackfic
Summary: Lucius requests that Narcissa spice up their sex life, so she whips up a smoothie.


"Spice up our lovelife?" Narcissa asked her reflection. "What is wrong with our lovelife?" In her head she counted the times they'd had relations in the past week. "Hrm, only 32? I guess Lucius does have a point." She lifted a delicate hand up to her temple and tapped like she was trying to shake an idea free.

In a flash, an idea came to her that was so obvious it would have cursed her if it was an Auror. "Of course! The book," she said in a mystic voice that revealed that the object was no ordinary book. She nearly sprinted to the bookcase to being searching for it. The silly book never answered to summoning spells and often tried to hide among the other books just in case the seeker was a mudblood.

Narcissa located the ancient book with the Black family crest on it and sighed. She really should not have the book, as it usually was passed to the most fanatical of the family, but her wealth and status in the world attracted the book to live on her shelves; well that and the fact that just about everyone in her generation had been killed in the war. She flipped through the aged pages looking for the chapter. After studying 'Insulting Names for Blood Traitors' for a few minutes, she continued her search. On page 862 she found the chapter she had been searching for "Spells, Tricks, and Tips for the Pure-blood couple". The chapter began with the basics, moved on to shocking levels of depravity that her ancestors surely practiced when there had been dungeons aplenty, and to more curious ideas. One word stood out from all of the rest.

_Smoothie_.

She was pretty smooth. Lucius was pretty smooth. In fact, their entire existence was smooth. What could be more relaxing and fun than a nice smoothie? Then she began to read, her eyes growing larger as she scanned further down the page. With a flick of her wand she summoned a flagon of Butterbeer and a pack of Fizzing Whizzbees, that most likely had come from Draco's bedroom. Draco wouldn't return from work for another few hours, but Lucius would be home from the shops in ten minutes, so she had to hurry.

--

Lucius walked into the quiet manor. Usually Narcissa was playing music when he got home, she was sweet and liked to set the mood. He wondered if his comment that morning about their sex life had offended her, but all thoughts left his mind when he heard her high voice call, "Lucius, I'm in the bedroom."

If the house didn't have anti-apparition shield all around, he surely would have been there in a flash. Instead he sprinted up both flights of stairs, down the long hallway, and threw open the door.

What greeted his eyes was something he had never seen before in all of his years. He may have spent years around the most depraved of the Death Eaters, and years around the even more depraved Ministry officials, but he had never seen a sight quite like the one his eyes were currently feasting on.

Narcissa was levitating about 2 feet above their bed. Her ankles were behind her head and held by her hands. She was completely nude, and with good reason – her anus was on fire! There was smoke coming out of one of his favorite regions of her body! "Oh Narcissa! Are you okay?" he yelled loudly, raising his wand to lower her to the ground or put out that terrible inner fire. "Aug-"

"Lucius, stop!" Narcissa screeched. He froze instantly taking in her bizarre expression. She was wearing her commanding expression, but he could see her fighting to keep it as the signs of pleasure rippled across her face.

He sudden understood. What was going on with Narcissa was her way of trying to spice things up in the bedroom. Had she gotten a spell wrong? "Narcissa?" he asked. "Did you accidentally set your arse on fire?"

She rolled her eyes - either in response to his idiocy or in pleasure, he didn't know. "I got this from the book." His eyes widened. He was quite familiar with the book. It had shown up right around the time of their marriage and they both held the belief that its advice was responsible for their perfect son Draco.

"What did you do?" he breathed as he started removing his own clothing at a slow pace.

"Well, first I took some Butter-" her explanation was cut off as she moaned. "I took some Butterbeer and poured it into my- oh god, that feels great! And then I inserted a few Fizzing Whizzbees, and now I'm levitating. Its called an anal smoothie."

Lucius began to see how the warmth of the Butterbeer and the levitating feeling was affecting her, and he became hard as a rock. He plan didn't seem to include any way to service him, so he palmed his pale cock and began to stroke as she began to moan again. He could imagine how her cunt would feel around his steel hard flesh, and decided in that instant that he wanted her. He reached up into the air and grabbed a hold of her leg pulling her floating body towards himself.

He entered her in a rush and began furiously pounding, feeling the butterbeer leaking from her anus. The liquid felt like a hot, foamy shower on his legs and the sensation tipped him over the edge at the same time as his wife. Narcissa cried out as an orgasm ripped through her body. She felt herself expelling one of the whizzbees, but clenching another one deep inside of herself. After five solid minutes of a shared orgasm they both were panting on the floor.

He wiped sweat from his brow and smiled at her. "I like spice."

**A/N -** if you search for anal smoothie you will REAL people doing this. I took my inspiration from a video my friend Heather sent me in which a woman was using coca-cola and pop rocks. Yes really. :D


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